Monday, September 19, 2011

DREAM: 'SEEING' AND 'BREATHING..january 6, 2010

1. I dreamed throughout the night but also seemed to be sleeping well. The center piece of the dream was two Clear coaster glasses. Initially I was discounting the dream as not important. Then as I returned to to this image later I noticed each glass had the Spanish word 'casa' on it. That is the closest word to 'home' in a 
Glasses  Engraved With 'Casa.'
foreign language that I am consciously aware of so I took it that way. I was taking it in the dream as a hope filled image of 'going home.' Then Beverly and I in a car with me driving. She leaned deeply into the floor board and found a hand gun. She seemed fascinated with it. I was disturbed and told her it was dangerous and may be loaded and to put it away. She instead pulled the trigger. This caused her body to move way up under the dash board. While moving I reached over to pull her out and I lost control of the car. I was sure we were going to crash with me holding on to her. It was so real. Then the action ended and only the glasses were present. It was at this point I was tending to dismiss the dream but again noticed the 'casa' on the glasses.

2. I was in the laboratory of a short plump oriental woman. She was a teacher/doctor. She was very respectful of and interested in me. She wanted to be of service. She checked me out and said she wanted me to do some 'vision' exercises so that I could 'see' better. Then she noticed my breath smelled bad. She was gracious but was saying it was really horrible. She gave me a medicine to take she said would make my breath sweet again. She had a young Caucasian white male assistant, maybe an intern. He also took caring interest in me and showed me some things about living things that were fascinating in his research. They both said I could take an instrument home with me to do my 'vision' exercises and they wanted me to come back anytime.

The 'glasses' were always coming in and out of the dream with the words 'casa' brightly engraved. So I kept saying to myself, 'All of this is helping me to get home at last.'

REFLECTION: I’ve not done more than recall and feel the over all positiveness of the dream. Key words are 'casa': Miriam Webster says 'In the U.S. mostly Southwest'  and meaning 'cottage.' It says its first known use in English was 1843. So in some ways it is a very modern word apparently but it comes from the very ancient Latin originally. The word is also basially the same in French and Italian. So  I get the idea that  ideally one's home is the 'world.'  I have such a strongly felt need to 'go home'. I don't know whether this refers to a change in my mortal life or to leaving this mortal life? Another near heart attack has me most aware of my mortality. I’ve been this aware before, even as far back as 'pre-visions' of Aug. 85. Then it more boardered on a willingness to suicide should that be required. After one episode of that in Houston that issue has never been suggested or  considered again. I know that is not being asked of me.

The dream is about improving my 'vision' and my 'breath'. Vision is my need to 'see' more clearly the meaning embedded in my life experience. How it ties to any larger picture of the meaning of life in my and other cultures. 'Glasses' is a also a word that has to do with improving 'vision.' The glasses were very clear implying 'clear and improved vision.'

'Breath' is associated with Spirit. There is a need for my exhaling of  Spirit to be more presentable. My story is crude, rough and hard to receive by the people I would like to be able to hear it and maybe to benefit. She says she is giving me a medicine that can do just that. It seems that is out of my hands as a 
project to do myself. I must rely on the wisdom of the woman. This is a very appropriate anima figure for me. I have , in the past, used the Chinese I Ching extensively to better touch the Spirit world and the Collective Archetypes. I have always sensed it is the anima that somehow has 'given me the medicine' that has made the I Ching be a practical and trustworthy guide for strongly needed wisdom. The I Ching does not make finding wisdom easy but I have found it to be a reliable tool for one in sincere need. The I Ching makes very demanding ethical bounderies on anyone who would seek its council. It is not an instrument to be used for playing  the unseen world but one for finding very much needed wisdom and answers to ones most pressing  and essential questions.

Beverly(imaged in the dream)  and her actual struggles with cancer and  death are a constant reminder to me of keeping a focus on the Spirit world of the Unconscious as a means of being grounded in my outer world. This dream reminds me  to keep such an  'eye on the road.'

A Reflection on the meaning of James Hillman's work I made this same day: Regarding my perusal of several of James Hillman's books. If I had found his writing instead of Jung's back in '84 I would have heard no voice that would have given me hope I so needed. Its not there for me to the extent I've read him. This is likely a matter of personal chemistry for I recognize James Hillman as making very important contributions to depth psychology.  He gives excellent descriptions of many psychological concepts. He warns about ever thinking the Unconscious’s message is simple to grasp. Yet I learned from him to take care to not leave the impact of the dream image by making it time sequenced and demanding rational meaning. This was new to me and I'm not sure I've learned to practice that well but I keep it in mind. I feel on reading him I have heard a very deeply developed reasoning exercise. But for me I miss in him the  part of Jung that inspires, through much embracing of the dark and negative. James Hillman is by no means afraid of the dark but sometimes I don't find him looking for the light. In Jung I heard and still do a voice of hope in the midst of darkness and despair, both for me personally and for all of us culturally. That is what drew me to Jung's words and ideas. His words of psychology also blended  with my growing theological perspective and nurtured that part of me.. I've not even heard, in my reading so far, Hillman mention synchronicity which is a deeply hopeful aspect of Jung's work. All of this may be in Hillman but I do not yet 'hear' it. In reading Jung I feel I am hearing someone writing out of their own actual experience along with their strong objective scientific thinking.  I fail to pick that up in Hillman. I hear a very 'heady' tone rather than one that is able to help carry me to the sources of the Unconscious which I have found speak the deathly truth, but also bring strength and joy to the human heart.  I have learned nothing of James Hillman the person. I should see if there is  any autobiographical material that would  open that area up for me. I guess for now  I should lay Hillman down for awhile. I think that would presently be me 'seeing' more clearly through 'glasses' that can 'lead me home.'

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