This is a very serious and sobering dream. A nightmare-like dream of a
church encampment fire. It was people from my churches throughout my adult
life as a pastor. We were staying in a rough several story bamboo like
dwelling in the deep forest. I was trying to be a leader in midst of the
chaos of a fire. It erupted during the night and was supposedly under
control and no one had died. But suddenly the fire erupted again and many
died. I watched one man die walking around ablaze and screaming. The trauma
afterward was horrible. There were flood waters that came and we were in
physical survival mode for days. One woman commented that you never know
what you can do in survival situations till you do it. In her agony, grief
and loss she felt some pride and accomplishment, a sense of transcendence. I
knew what she meant. But I was devastated by my own helplessness to be a
better leader at such at time. I am still reeling with the awful
sensations of horror and panic that I had experienced and saw in the faces
of the people. I think I irrationally felt it my own fault somehow.
The the dream ended with all becoming calm. Then a beautiful dark haired
woman(I'm sure it is ' the church woman' from other dreams.) was obviously
way over due in pregnancy and wearing a money green dress. I thought to
myself, 'I too am pregnant and ready to deliver." I desired so much to
be with her and support her in her birthing process.
REFLECTION:
Sistine Chapel Scenes Depict 'Times of Change' in Bible Story ..1510 |
I think this dream is both personal and collective. It is hard for me to
accept that my own shadow side is able and has inflicted upset, anguish and
fear on others. Just knowing of my shadow affects me in the same disturbing
way. Areas of life where I have come to my fuller truth have meant at
times harsh conflict with ones I once so fully shared a perception of
spiritual truth. This has been my experience of religious, scientific and
political interpretations. I fully believe that in the long run allowing
ones shadow to become more fully conscious brings improvement and progress
to the overall human situation. But it is a fact that many get lost, get
hurt, even are killed when such a process is going on in the external world.
The personal unconscious and the collective are very double sided realities.
During times of extreme change what brings a blessing to one is , at least
temporarily, a curse for another. What is salvation for one is temporarily
damnation for another. Jesus occasionally described this horribly frightful
aspect of truth. He spoke of it being like a sword, a fire, a tearing
asunder. I am sadly and horror struck aware of how my shadow experiences
have been a source of suffering for ones I love the most, including my
family and even the people of the churches I served. It stretched some too
far in their desire to be supportive of me but unable to accept what I was
finding to be true in the areas of religion, ethics, justice and morality.
My attempt has been to follow in the directions I have come to see the
spirit of the 'gospel' is leading.
'Fire' is an eternal symbol of change made through difficulty. |
I cannot help but recall that dear Beverly experienced the physical fire
with its literal human destroying capacity as an innocent five year
old beautiful girl. She gave me experience of 'the fire' through the
spiritual/psychological wound that she carried. A wound that constantly
threatened our relationship in our early decades together. I have
experienced the refining properties of the fire in an inner psychological
way. I think life brings us all to the fire's edge. Some are more ready to
consciously enter the fire and be transformed by it. This is a matter of
preparation that is outside any effort to logically understand or predict
beforehand.
The dream is also showing that we are dealing with deep themes and dynamics
of the Collective Unconscious. The building is primitive being of bamboo and
it is in the deep forest. This heart rending aspect of
psychological/spiritual evolution and growth is an ancient theme that all of
us have implanted within us. It is such inner realities that make us aware
of how dangerous and unfair the human experience actually is, at least for
some people some of the time. By accepting these truths and our incapacity
,at our level of development, to keep them from being so we may become more
conscious; and perhaps become ones who can help lead us through such dark
times to a brighter day. As long as the realities of the personal and
collective shadow are denied, repressed, kept unconscious then personal and
collective human horrors will continue even more so to rule the world . As
with all forms of evil, only human consciousness can help bring the
necessary harmony of the good-evil opposites so that our human responses can
become more protective and just, both of other humans and of nature itself.
And that the Sacred itself becomes more humane, just as the book of Job
depicts such a need in the unconscious raging of Yahweh..
The 'Ready To Deliver' Symbol |
So this is much a psychological/spiritual message with the pregnant woman
being the anima. But that she likely also represents ' the church woman' in
my personal dreams. I am also left with the faintly impression that I need
to be ready for contact with a real woman who is an outer reflection of my
inner anima. The two would be similar in many respects no doubt. Both have
experienced the horrors of the 'fire' and know how unsure, disappointing ,
unfair and tragic life can be. But both keep movement toward the future
going , a more conscious future for human and the Sacred. A future where we
can say, especially as humans, ' We never know what we can do in survival
situations till we do it.'
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